just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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