1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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