i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
