I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
