I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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