Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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