She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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