Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
