I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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