dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
