I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
