Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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