If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
where does the pee come out of this thing
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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