Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
