Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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