Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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