I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
