woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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