hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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