I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
