There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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