i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
