Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
