We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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