also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
