they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
