Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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