6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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