pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
