just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
