I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
