So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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