so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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