My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
