What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize