We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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