he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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