david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
