And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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