Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
