wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
