Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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