i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
