Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love accidental penises.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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