If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
