Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
