you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
