Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
