It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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