this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
