don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
