I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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