About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
