other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
